December 16th - HSG day!

So today was the big HSG test.  I was so unbelievably nervous as I have heard women say it hurt so bad they screamed and some women say it was no biggie. 

My test was scheduled for noon but I arrived at 11:00 because I was nervous.  I ended up going alone because David just has a hard time realizing when I need support.  In his mind, if I couldn't drive myself home, he was in the hospital and could come get me.  We discussed it but it never quite got to him that I was scared.  Oh well.  I know he can't experience everything I am but I want him to be more of a partner in crime for these kinds of things.

The test itself was not bad (for me).  I was called back to the room with 2 other ladies.  We were instructed to change out of our clothes and just put on hospital robes.  We were then told to meet in a waiting area.  While we waited we talked.  One woman was there and in the very beginning of her journey, while the other had her tubes tied (and then untied) and was there to make sure everything was ok.

I got to go first.  YEA ME!  I went in the room with a nurse and the Dr. was waiting.  Dr. Attaran did my HSG.  She is another RE for the Clinic.  She was very nice and explained to me everything she was doing before she did it.  In total, it took about 10 minutes.  I was so happy when she said - "They are clear and beautiful".  The computer did hiccup and no pics ended up being taken but I was just happen they were open and clear.

I did let the ladies know waiting that I was out.  I explained it didn't hurt me too bad and was just painful for 2 minutes.   I explained it as uncomfortable pressure.

My AMH blood test also came back at 1.1 so I guess we are good there too.

December 13th - When to ask for more testing.

Well today I called my RE - Dr. Falcone.  I have been looking at different blogs and Facebook pages and I am becoming concerned.  Everyone seems to be starting off with a test called an HSG.  It is to make sure your fallopian tubes are open.  I have NEVER had this test.  Most people do this before they are even given any kind of medicine.

I spoke to Dr. Falcone's nurse because he was out of town.  She said she would email him and see what his thoughts were on ordering some tests.  He got back to us super fast (like 2 hours) and agreed that we should go ahead with the test.

It is scheduled for Monday!!  I am a bit nervous and feel bad that I will need Monday off but my hear just needs to know we don't have any more obstacles.

December 12th - BFN

Well this cycle was a bust.  I had been testing since 10DPO so it wasn't a shock with AF showed up.  I wasn't super sad because I thought this cycle was a bust since the beginning.  We were sick most of the month and we had stair step medications.

Off to next month!

11/27 Ultrasound

So I have to say I really expected nothing today.  In the last week, I have not felt a twinge, tickle or pinch in my girlie parts.  I have been sick as a dog with a sinus infection and have cared more about breathing than if I was growing a follicle LOL.

I live in Cleveland, OH and they were expecting a huge snow storm last night.  Our area was looking at getting 4-8 inches of snow over night.  All last night I would look out the window and it didn't look to bad but I was skeptical.  My U/S was scheduled for 7am again and if the roads were bad I wasn't even sure I would bother. 

When I woke up I was surprised to see less than 3 inches had actually fallen.  I hadn't slept well so I more or less don't remember any details of getting ready.  The roads weren't too bad either so I ended up getting there around 6:45 am.  I was surprised that the place was pretty empty.  Normally the fertility clinic is bumping at this hour.  I usually walk in to about 10 other women waiting.  Today it was just me.  They called me back right away and I was in the U/S exam room within 3 minutes.  I have to say I am still at this point completely uninterested.  All I could think was "please don't have to cough while that woman is violating you".  I can't even imagine what would happen if I had! LOL

So the girl came in and I got in the position (feet in the stirups, ass in the wind) and I didn't even really look at the monitor at first as she went through and said my lining looked OK.  Then I heard her say:

"Wow, on the left side it looks like we have a 27mm one."

Umm.  Excuse me.  27mm!  Less than a week ago my largest was a 13-14mm. 

I literally shot up so I could see the monitor and low and behold I saw the big black spot right there on the monitor clear as day.  I have to say I teared up for a minute because I really was counting myself out all week.

She continued looking at the left side and I noticed she kept flipping through my chart at the same time.  I was getting a little nervous and then she finally said, "Ok, that is all we have on that side."

Umm.  Excuse me one more time.  I had 25 follicles on that side 7 days ago.  I did question it and she said that was what she was checking.  She said she realized she was the one who did my last one too and she could see in her own handwriting that there had been more last time.  All she could say was she had no idea and all she could see were maybe 10 that were unmeasurable.

Ok.  On to the righty.  Righty had about 15 last week.  Today she had nothing measurable.  There were maybe 10 that she couldn't even measure.  She couldn't explain it, I couldn't explain it so I got dressed and went back to the waiting room to talk to the CNP.

The CNP didn't really have an answer either but she was happy we had the 1.  I was over the moon for the one we had but hmmmm.  I did question if the 27mm could be a cyst but she said she didn't think so but the doctor would look again this afternoon.

Well noon came and the Dr. called.  He said it is a go ahead and for me to go ahead and trigger tonight. 

Hey, I am not complaining.  I didn't even want to go and I ended up getting the best news of the month!!!

Things to be Thankful For

I have so many amazing things happening in my life even if getting a BFP hasn't been one yet.  I decided to make a list so when I am having the worst day I have something to read and remember what I do have to be happy about:

1.  My husband - David has to be the best thing that has ever happened to me.  We met almost 7 years ago and I don't remember how I was without him.  We met online and I was so sure he was going to be a dud.  When he asked to call me I was sure he would have a squeaky voice and I just didn't want to waste my time.  I had lost my mom to breast cancer only 6 months before I met him and I was just in a place where maybe I was better off alone for awhile.  When he called it was like it all clicked.  His voice was deep and he was so intelligent.  Our first date was to a Bodies Exhibit and then to dinner.  We ended up closing the restaurant down and were asked to leave.  It is amazing how life can change so fast.  Ever since the day we met my life has felt complete.

2.  My amazing family - I have a great family.  As I mentioned in #1 I lost my mom to breast cancer at the age of 49.  She fought for over 10 years and it was only the last 6 months she ever looked sick.  I took care of her during her last months and the amount of love I saw in her eyes and in my family's still brings tears to my eyes.  I have one sister and she is pretty awesome too.  She also has the same BRCA II gene my mom had (I don't have it).  At the age of 30 (on her birthday), she elected to have a double mastectomy so she would lower her risk of breast cancer.  She didn't even have cancer but the thought of waiting on it was too much.  She was so strong during it all.  She did it for her babies (my niece and nephew) and her other family.  She didn't want to leave her kids too soon like my mom had to.  I also have an aunt who has stepped up the plate and become a pseudo mom and grandma.  She took me to my D&C last year and made sure I was okay afterwards.  She laughs with us, cries with us and helps us preserve the memories we have.  My cousins, Adam and Jesi, are like my siblings.  We grew up together and I could never be more proud of them.  My dad is great and loves us more than I can imagine.  My brother, who is blind, is heading off to college next year.  I mean come on!  I am so lucky!!!

3.  My friends - I have a great support system for every part of my life.  I have friends who I have known since I was 8 and some I met last year.  I know if I am having a bad day I can go to them if needed.  Facebook has helped me reconnect with so many people and I love to see how everyone ended up.  It shows we were raised right.  All through my life my mom has said that I keep a small group and I am loyal to no end.  I agree with her but I wouldn't have it any other way.

4.  A home to stay warm in
5.  Money to buy food and other necessities
6.  A job where I am accepted and loved

Ultrasound 3 - November 18th

So the RE decided that we would try one more time!  I went in on Monday morning and I had no follicle growth at all.  I didn't cry but I was pretty upset.  I had a sinus infection and felt like crap but I drug my butt out of bed because I had hope.

The CNP wasn't sure what the RE would want but they said they would call me that afternoon.

SoOOO

New plan:

Letrozole 5mg CD 3-7  (we didn't want for my AF to come, we just pretended the following day was CD 3)

Ultrasound scheduled for 11/27 @ 7am.

November 14th - Ultrasound 2

Ultrasound 2 was also done at Beachwood.  I had been cramping all week so I had high hopes that I would have a follicle measuring at least 16-18mm. 

These were the results:
Right side:  largest follicle is 11mm, 9mm and several 8mm (total follicles was near 25)
Left side:  largest follicle is 12mm, several 9mm (total follicles were over 25)

I was devastated.  I cried right on the U/S table.  I couldn't believe in four days I hadn't seen any real growth.  Also, I couldn't believe how many tiny ones there were!

I waited to speak to the CNP to see what my options were now.  When she came to get me I had finally gotten myself together and just wanted to move forward.  She said that she wasn't sure what the Dr. would want to do.  There were a few options: 

1.  End cycle and wait for AF
2.  Schedule another U/S and see if we got any more growth
3.  Schedule the U/S but if too many follies grew we would need to move to another cycle to avoid multiples.